Hey there, folks! Welcome to another episode of the Monster in My Head Show. I'm BRE, and today, I'm thrilled to announce the release of my song, Rough Lovin' which is all about enthusiastic consent in dating relationships/hookups (You can check it out here!). But before we dive into that, let's talk about the inspiration behind this track, which is all about how to create and maintain healthy boundaries for yourself in dating.
In my personal journey, developing and sustaining boundaries in my intimate relationships has been transformative. Having experienced sexual assault as a teenager, the thought of creating and communicating healthy boundaries was foreign to me and felt damn near impossible. But after years of therapy and self reflection, it's now one of my strengths! The things I share below are applicable to everyone, regardless of gender identity. Enthusiastic consent and boundary-setting are universal and essential for us all.
Without further ado, here are 5 steps you can take to develop and sustain healthy boundaries while you're dating.
1. Believe in Your Worthiness:
- Many times we allow people to treat us however they want because we don't believe we deserve more.
- The first step in setting healthy boundaries is to cultivate the love yourself that will allow you to believe you are worthy of those boundaries.
- If you recognize that you are a people pleaser and don't want to set boundaries because you feel you'll disappoint the person you're seeing, remind yourself that you are one half of the intimate experience - your feelings matter just as much as theirs!
- Try taking care of yourself in the same way you would take care of someone you love. How would you want your best friend to be treated in an intimate relationship? Enforce that for yourself.
2. Communicate Openly:
- Be overly communicative about your comfort level from the get go.
- If there are things you don't feel comfortable with, let the person know explicitly, preferably before it starts happening, but also at any time that discomfort arises.
- In a perfect world, the person you're with would actively read your body language and make decisions on how to interact with you based on that.
- However, this tends to be the exception, not the norm. We can't expect someone to read our minds, and will sometimes be dealing with people who don't want to be told no.
- Be very clear with what you are and are not ok with. If they don't like it, they're not right for you.
3. Don't Fear Hurting Feelings:
- Prioritize your well-being over potential discomfort for others.
- Someone who has good moral character will respect you for standing up for yourself when you feel uncomfortable.
- You are responsible for your feelings. Therefore, it is your job to take care of yourself, doing what you need to do to be healthy and safe.
- If the person you're with gets their feelings hurt by your honesty and boundary setting, that's their problem, not yours.
4. Recognize Manipulation:
- If someone tries to manipulate, guilt, or pressure you into doing things you don't want to do, leave. This is a strong indicator of their character and shows quickly that they're not worth your time.
- If someone refuses to comply with your requests to help take care of your safety and health while being intimate, such as using protection or getting tested, they don't respect you, and therefor shouldn't get the pleasure of your company.
- Your safety and comfort are non-negotiable and are the top priority throughout your experience. Period.
5. No Shame in Your Journey:
- Regardless of your experience with intimacy, there's no shame.
- Society tells us we have to experience certain things by certain times, but all of our stories are different.
- Some people need to take things slower than others due to trauma, anxiety, or just the desire to take things slow. All needs are valid and totally ok.
- Your journey is as unique as you are. The main thing to do is just take care of yourself in the process!
Conclusion and Song Release: I hope these insights are helpful. Feel free to share your tips and stories in the comments. Also, don't forget to check out my new song, "Rough Lovin'," which encapsulates the power of enthusiastic consent. It's part of my album release, and I'll be discussing the meaning behind each song in future episodes.
Remember, you are valuable, deserving of love, and worthy of respect. Thanks for reading, and I'll see you next week!
Listen to Rough Lovin' here: https://ffm.to/rough-lovin
Watch the music video and learn all about the song: https://bremusicpage.com/rough-lovin